Circles of Light

We had survived the first wave of Covid. The Covid admissions at my hospital were down and we had resumed elective surgery. Things were running as smoothly as they could in the new normal.

I washed alone in the darker scrub room. I always use this scrub time to focus on the case at hand. Surgery forces one to be very mindful, unlike other high pressure jobs where you may have to multi-task. In surgery all you have to do is focus on the next case.  

I looked through to my operating theatre, the room lights bright with the scrub sister positioning the brighter operating lights for me to make my incision. Over the decades these were the third ,and by far the best, set of lights to work with, I thought to myself. Was I thinking more today, or was I just more aware?

Surgery is a privileged profession, one which captivates and entrances. It is also a demanding discipline where failure stabs at your heart with no forgiveness.  But this morning I was captivated by the lights. For the first time as a surgeon I realised the operating room light is a representation of the primeval force of fire that bound humanity by giving light in the darkness. This light was the result of our forebears discovery of fire. Nothing less. 

Back to scrubbing. Palm to back of hand. Left then right. Then each thumb. Forearms then rinse. I always worry about the waste of water. I should change to a dry scrub. But I find the noise and sensation of running water soothing.

I glanced into my theatre. My eyes focussed and stayed there.

The light shone in a circle of circles, each emanating like a ripple in a pond from a stone thrown by some child. 

It is my twenty third year of operating here. I have survived a few medical mishaps of my own: a few kidney stones, a cardiac stent, amoebic colitis, surgery for arthritis to my thumb and now I think I have COVID.

It was as if I could see the virus now. There were halos I had not noticed before. Maybe it was from all the scratches of cleaning my visor. Last week I worked with a nurse in that same theatre for two days and they tested positive for COVID after that. 

It was five and seven days since my exposure. As a health care professional I could continue to work until I had symptoms. 

But the light does not shine on premonitions.

The next day I tested positive.

H.O.P.E.

Even as the postcards started arriving the signs of the second surge were present. The statistics are anywhere to be found but a retired colleague of my brother has done his own programming and has a useful site to look at the numbers if you need to: https://www.covibes.org

Back to the postcards. They are being collected in a box held at reception at Netcare Kingsway Hospital. 

I have collected twice and will check again next week. I feel like an old fashioned village postman.  It tugs at the memory of the film Il Postino, a beautiful film about how words can change lives.

Each time I took the pile of postcards to my office and left them in the corner of my empty desk. When my work day was over and I could focus, I sat alone and read each one. I cried easily at the intensity of emotions expressed about  how events had affected staff at the hospital. 

After each reading I went to the front desk where my receptionist Anina is protected behind Perspex barriers and shook my head in disbelief as I spoke  of the trauma. Anina scanned each one in so that the card was digitized, and from those files I was able to make the first collage that makes up the picture that accompanies this article.

One postcard ended simply: 

“No words.

Only emotions.”

There are so many emotions that we have all experienced to a greater or lesser degree, from closer or further than others. I could identify with all of them, from the anger to the zeitgeist of social distancing and lockdown of our new era.

The sense of loss is profound. Loss of family members and friends stab into your heart. The loss the nurses felt as they were the only ones to guide patients into the next world hurts so much that tears flow. 

There is anger. There is a sense of growth and achievement. There is an acknowledgement of lessons learnt. My writers have defined what is truly important to them. 

Despair makes an appearance but is won over by hope.

So why H.O.P.E.?

Hold On Pandemics End.

Keep hope alive by wearing your mask and social distancing. Think very carefully about your festive season travels if you really have to. Remember it’s as much about not contracting the virus as much as it is about not infecting someone else.

What Does “Closing Your Hospital” Mean?

Toward the end of last year I was reading an article on disruption from Singularity University. The writer challenged businesses to think how they would respond if their customer base was suddenly lost. The challenge seemed to be based on climate change extremes and technological advances. It was a good article,  and I thought about it.

My hospital, Netcare Kingsway, is set in the lush coastal bush of a tall dune on the South Coast of Kwa-Zulu Natal. I thought that even with a significant rise in sea level we would not be affected. The dune is at least seventy metres above current sea level. 

So what could else cause me to lose my patients? The answer is clear four months into the new year: the economic and political chaos that has followed the Covid-19 pandemic. 

I have seen fewer patients during lockdown than the fingers on my surgeon hands. For one week in April, the Medical Centre (a building adjacent to the hospital housing over fifty doctors) in which I work was closed. It underwent a deep clean by professional cleaners brought in by our hospital management. This despite there not having been a patient or doctor or receptionist who works in the Medical Centre testing positive for Covid-19.

Since the deep clean a handful of doctors returned to consulting in the Medical Centre during the last week of lockdown. They were seeing a fraction of the number of patients they normally see. Seeing these patients during the pandemic is difficult with protocols in place to enforce social distancing, wearing of masks and visors as well as increased hand hygiene for all. With the adjoining hospital still closed we cannot use the laboratory or X-rays department to help us make diagnoses. Worse still, we cannot admit our patients for treatment, be it medical or surgical

The patients we have cared for feel that we, the doctors, have abandoned them. I have cared for over twenty three thousand individuals and families during  the two decades I have worked at Kingsway.

My last operation was on Easter Monday, over three weeks ago. Shortly after that the hospital was closed to contain a Covid-19 outbreak. My patient was a ninety-two-year-old lady who shattered her thigh bone. The theatre staff and I were in full PPE (personal protective equipment) to protect her and us from Covid-19. She was discharged from Kingsway last week. Her thigh bone was fixed and she did not get infected with the New Corona virus in hospital.

I am pleased lockdown has been lifted in phases. I am not sure if I will be able to send her flowers for her ninety-third birthday next week.

I believe that Netcare as a group has been proactive with policy and protocol before Covid-19 was declared a pandemic by the World Health Organisation. Kingsway Hospital management has upped their game: they spent on more PPE, created more negative pressure ventilation cubicles, paid staff even though they are not working, converted a day ward of twelve beds into a Covid changeroom for staff, allocated only one patient to a cubicle even in three or four bed wards. This management team ran the hospital efficiently before Covid-19. Now they are risk managers as well, dealing with unimaginable crisis after crisis that has become the hallmark of this pandemic.

We have ongoing cleaning of the hospital including with an Ultraviolet Robot since we were closed to new admissions. We have emptied the hospital of all patients and closed the Medical Centre again from the end of April and have repeated the deep clean. We have trained staff and doctors in Covid-19 protocols. We have taken a team that has always cared and been cautious, and have made them better. 

All of us are dealing with all the unknowns of the Covid-19 pandemic. For us at Kingsway Hospital an additional unknown is when our hospital will be re-opened. We have lost a great part of what defines us as doctors.

Kingsway Hospital’s front door is closed.

Stay safe..

Dear Nurses

I am so proud of all of you.  You have applied yourself to everything that is new. You have patiently listened as we explain protocol after protocol, and then frustrated  you by changing it the next day. I am proud of how you showed care to my 99-year-old patient whose hair is perfectly coiffed and her makeup is ready for a BBC interview.

Like you I don’t know what day it is. I need to check a calendar to see if it’s a working day or a weekend. Not that it makes any difference to you, working shifts and three-day weekends every second weekend.

I try, and yet I fail to talk to you in the corridors and in the nurses stations and in your offices in management suite.  

I failed to act ten days ago when someone asked me to write something motivational for you. This is a time when failure is commonplace: the only solution is to acknowledge it, learn from it and move on. With this letter I hope to move on.

We are facing a global crisis in our little hospital that has always served our community to the best of our ability. It seems sometimes that nothing we do is enough for our patients, our hospital, the whole world. But we have not failed!

The sense of failure, the fear of not being in control, the quarantine, the concern for our families causes us all to feel anxiety.

Feeling anxious about things in today’s world is completely normal. Although I am no master, I’d like to share with you how I have learnt to deal with my anxiety over the years and what works for me now:

We need to deal with it. Learn from our failures. Consolidate and move in a new direction with calm and strength and compassion. I believe we all, and especially you, have this ability.

In our medical training and our experience at the workplace over the years we have all faced stressful moments: a patient’s death, a complication, a disagreement with a colleague. Think back to those times. Now empower yourself by reminding yourself that you dealt with those crises before, and you have the tools to deal with this crisis. You have achieved so much, and will continue to achieve.

Over the last decade I have been blessed to meet many wise and caring people who have helped me deal with fear and anxiety. The essence of their help for me can be distilled into three words: 

Remember to breathe (even if it is behind a suffocating mask).

Breathing is the essence of life, and we can control it. In the beginning just acknowledging your breath is enough. Start to feel the place where your inbreath gently fades into your outbreath. Feel your diaphragm move. If you want you can pause, and count to four at the end of each breath.

It is as simple as that. Now you have something you can control. In controlling that you can reduce your fear and anxiety. 

I salute you all. For once the world is recognising your calling.  They are appreciating your service for the greater good of humanity. They understand your sacrifice. 

Stay safe.

Ask for help if you need it.

Best wishes

Basil

Sunrise over the Indian Ocean …